Thursday, May 21, 2015

An Open Letter to Best Friend Past


I was scrolling through my contacts the other day, and I passed your name. I stared at it, along with the little purple heart emoji next to it. I thought about you. Where are you? Home, back in our sleepy little town for summer? In class? At a job, an internship, something I didn't know you'd applied for?

Today I was on Facebook and saw your status, your picture. It's been three months since a text from you buzzed on my phone. Sure, I could call you, text you, beg you to come back into my life, but why? I miss you so much, but do you even realize I'm gone?

Who's the latest boy in your life? What classes did you take last semester? How did they go? Did you change your major again? I can't answer any of these. Six months ago, I could've rattled off the details of your life as smoothly as if they were my own. Now? I have no idea. And that hurts.

That hurts so much. You walked out of my life three months ago, and I don't think you've looked back. I know that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and maybe ours was doomed from the start. People say that you lose your high school friends in college, right? But we were different, I thought.

Six months ago, you stopped asking about me when you'd call to chat. Six months ago, you stopped knowing who I was....because you didn't care anymore, as long as I continued being right where you needed me to be, when you needed me there. Six months ago, I was starting the roughest semester of my life, and you had no idea. Because you never asked.

I still have some of your stuff, still know the code to unlock your door, still have your mom's number saved in my phone. I miss you. I hope you're okay.

By the way, I kept the little heart by your name. I think what I've learned from all of this is just how deeply I cared for you, and how deeply I still do. You aren't in my life anymore, and I'm letting you go, slowly. But I'll always be here.

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