An Open Letter to Best Friend Past

Hi.

I was scrolling through my contacts the other day, and I passed your name. I stared at it, along with the little purple heart emoji next to it. I thought about you. Where are you? Home, back in our sleepy little town for summer? In class? At a job, an internship, something I didn't know you'd applied for?

Today I was on Facebook and saw your status, your picture. It's been three months since a text from you buzzed on my phone. Sure, I could call you, text you, beg you to come back into my life, but why? I miss you so much, but do you even realize I'm gone?

Who's the latest boy in your life? What classes did you take last semester? How did they go? Did you change your major again? I can't answer any of these. Six months ago, I could've rattled off the details of your life as smoothly as if they were my own. Now? I have no idea. And that hurts.

That hurts so much. You walked out of my life three months ago, and I don't think you've looked back. I know that not all friendships are meant to last forever, and maybe ours was doomed from the start. People say that you lose your high school friends in college, right? But we were different, I thought.

Six months ago, you stopped asking about me when you'd call to chat. Six months ago, you stopped knowing who I was....because you didn't care anymore, as long as I continued being right where you needed me to be, when you needed me there. Six months ago, I was starting the roughest semester of my life, and you had no idea. Because you never asked.

I still have some of your stuff, still know the code to unlock your door, still have your mom's number saved in my phone. I miss you. I hope you're okay.

By the way, I kept the little heart by your name. I think what I've learned from all of this is just how deeply I cared for you, and how deeply I still do. You aren't in my life anymore, and I'm letting you go, slowly. But I'll always be here.

These Last Two Years

In these next couple weeks, I'll be wrapping up my sophomore year of college. Oh. My. Gosh. Yup. We're halfway through, folks! You should know by now that I love lists, so get ready for some unsolicited advice in list format.

Some stuff I've learned, in no particular order:

1. Organic chemistry is HARD.
2. Sometimes getting an A isn't about knowing the subject, it's about knowing the professor.
3. DETAILS MATTER. My brain is just not wired this way. But I'm trying.
4. Memorization is important. My brain isn't wired this way either.
5. Form a study group. Yeah, maybe you don't actually need help, but your group members will keep you accountable and focused.
6. Don't park in tow away zones. They aren't kidding around.
7. Studying in the library is really helpful, if only because it's not socially acceptable to watch Netflix there.
8. Living in the dorms the first year was the best decision I ever made. It's how I made all of my best friendships. And your freshman year roommate? If you get lucky like I did, that's a really special bond.
9. Your best friend back home is allowed to have her (or his) own life. And guess what? You're allowed to have your own life too.  It's okay if the two of you can't share every little thing anymore. It really is. But try, really try, to make time for them still. Call them every now and then and MAKE SURE you ask about their life too.
10. On that note, make time for your parents, siblings, grandparents, etc. too. They love you and miss you so much.
11. Say thank you. It doesn't matter if it's to your professor, TA, or the lady in the dining hall. Just say thanks.
12. Take classes outside your major. Make time for things you think are interesting, even if there's no real reason for it. You have so many opportunities right now.
13. HELP CLEAN THE APARTMENT. Your roomies will thank you.
14. Stay up late sometimes. People are vulnerable late at night. That's when the deep conversations happen. You have class in the morning? So what? It's one day.
15. Light candles when you study. They're really calming.
16. Ask for help when you need it. Whether it's with classes, people, or your own heart, ask for the help you need.
17. Work out whenever you get the time.
18. Apply for stuff on a whim.
19. Do NOT, under any circumstances, take 11 credits of hard math/science all at the same time. Just don't.
20. Try not to get so stressed that you cry on the bathroom floor for 1.5 hours.
21. Love others deeply. It's hard and it's draining, but it's incredible.
22. Have so much fun, whatever that entails for you.
23. Drive to the middle of nowhere at night and look at the stars.
24. Go on adventures.
25. Learn a foreign language. Minor in it. Bilingualism is awesome.
26. Your feelings are ALWAYS valid.

The Thing about Depression

Hiya. I know what you're thinking. "Oh my gosh, she's about to write another thing apologizing for ignoring her blog." Well...you're wrong. Ish. I'm not even apologizing because it's probably just annoying at this point. Instead, I'll be telling you about something very personal that may or may not shed some light on why I've been such an absentee blog mom lately.

One more thing before I start: I don't want your sympathy. I'm not asking for and don't expect pity. I'm not that badly off. I'm telling you all of this (assuming anyone actually reads my blog anymore) in hopes that someone, anyone, reads this and thinks "wow, me too." If you're that person, hey there. You aren't alone. I feel that way too.

Here goes.

The thing about depression is that it's not constant. Some days you wake up and all you want to do is lay there and not move and maybe just cry for awhile. Other days you wake up and you're happy and for just a second you think maybe, just maybe, you're okay. For just a moment, you have hope. And that hope, in its own way, is crueler than the sorrow. Because in a matter of seconds, minutes, hours, or days, it gets ripped away. And then you're back to that ache in your heart, that emptiness in your soul.
The thing about depression is that it's not obvious. It's not a giant, crippling thing where one day you're fine, and the next you stop getting out of bed. It's little stuff. Skipping church one week. Withdrawing from people a bit. Smiling less. Sleeping later. All stuff that could just be normal. On the outside, it doesn't look like you're crippled. But your heart certainly is.
The thing about depression is that people think it's this never ending darkness. It's not. Depression is about basking in the shadows. Searching for a light, seeing it in the distance, close enough to touch, but not to hold on to. 
The thing about depression....it's not what you think. Depression isn't crying every day, ignoring your friends, skipping every class. Depression is on again off again, twisting and turning, difficult to escape. Depression is like coming out of Novocaine after a rough dental procedure. You're still numb. You feel some things, but you're numb. The things you feel aren't quite right. You know you feel them, but you also know they don't feel the way they're supposed to. Laughter and joy and everything else...they just can't quite reach your soul. Depression creates distance. You feel far from everyone....including yourself.
The thing about depression is that it's unpredictable. One morning, you wake up and you're full of crushing sadness. A few hours later, you're happy, laughing with friends. Then, all the sudden, it hits you again, and you're sitting there laughing but you're also just so sad. Sometimes you're just sad and there's no rhyme or reason but you just aren't happy.
That's depression. You can't know what it is from a textbook. It's different for everyone, but that's what it is for me.

Oh Captain, My Captain

Dear Mr. Williams,

I didn't know you, and as such, I feel somewhat presumptuous to be writing to you, but somehow, I don't think you would mind.

I watched Good Will Hunting for the first time a couple days before hearing of your passing, and I'm pretty sure it will forever be one of my favorites.  Dead Poets Society is playing on my laptop in the background as I type this.  Aladdin was one of the movies of my childhood, and the Genie was always my favorite.  If you need me, I'll be watching these movies on loop and sobbing until I feel better.

Mr. Williams, I wanted so badly to believe that you were happy.  You certainly made me laugh, along with the rest of America, and the world.  Your words in your more dramatic roles both broke my heart and put it back together.  Thank you for that.

Sir, I am aware that the Bostonian psychiatrist who whispered "It's not your fault," to a distraught teenager was not truly you.  However, as my high school acting teacher used to tell us, "when creating a role, we start with ourselves".  So while I know that wasn't you, teaching me that life can't be lived by reading books and that sometimes you just have to go see about a girl, I like to think that some of that compassion and fire actually were yours, coupled with the depression which I now realize certainly was.

I know that you weren't actually a free thinking English teacher at a strict prep school, reminding young men to live life to the fullest and to use language to woo women, but I like to believe that some of that passionate, carpe diem spirit was a part of your life.

I hope you had the Genie's humor and love.

I am sorry beyond words to learn about the demons which haunted you and finally brought you home.  But I know you helped people.  Thanks for making me think.  Thanks for brightening the lives of troops in Afghanistan, Koko the gorilla, the sweet children in St. Jude's Hospital, and countless others.

God bless your soul.  Sleep well.

Genie, you're free.

On Getting Engaged

SIGH.

So.  I'm in this phase of my life where like everyone is getting engaged.  It started slowly, with one couple, then a few months later another, and suddenly, in the last few weeks, three couples I know have gotten engaged.  And so, I say again, SIGH.

I knew this phase was coming.  It's a natural phase of life.  One day, your friends are single and going on dates with different people each weekend.  Then, later, they find someone.  They date awhile.  And suddenly, one day, you wake up and all your friends are engaged.  Well.  I knew it was coming, but I didn't think it would start so soon.  I just finished my first year of undergrad, and in a lot of ways, I still feel really young.  Way too young to get engaged.

The Boyfriend and I have been together for some time now.  We're very happy and we love each other a lot.  But we aren't about to get married.  Have we talked about it?  Sure.  But in the "someday" way, not in the "soon" way.  And I'm happy that way.  I don't want to get engaged.  Not anytime soon.

Because here's the thing I think people forget about getting engaged: it's a precursor to GETTING MARRIED.  And GETTING MARRIED is a huge deal.  Getting engaged is cute.  You get a cute little ring and you get to post cute pictures of you and your new fiancé on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook....everywhere.  You ask your girls to be bridesmaids with cute little gifts.  You pick out a cute dress, plan a cute ceremony.  All that is fun.  Cutesy.  Pretty.  People are congratulating you, practically choking on the cutesy-ness of it all.  But then comes REALITY.  You GET MARRIED.  When you GET MARRIED, you're an adult.  It's a new phase of your life.  You're committed to one person for the rest of your life.  The two of you are a team.  You live life together.  And all that sounds great.  You're forever in love, right?  Yeah.  But it's also a lot of work.  And at least in my mind, all that stuff belongs separate from undergrad.  The two don't go hand-in-hand.  They go in separate boxes.  I can see getting engaged in college.  But GETTING MARRIED while in college?  Slow down.  What's the rush?  I mean, I understand that when you've been together forever you just want to start life with that person.  But calm down.  It's not a race.

For the Graduates

I know there have been a lot of graduations lately, and many to come.  To those of you graduating, whether it be high school, college, grad school, etc., congratulations!

Now, I want to speak to everyone who recently will graduate or has graduate high school.  Here's everything I wish someone had told me (some things will be cliché):

• STAY. IN. THE DORMS.  It's how I made all of my friends in the first year.
• Don't eat unless you're actually hungry.  It'll save you money and you won't get fat.
• Don't be married to your major.  Maybe you'll love the one you came in with, maybe you won't.  Either way, it's okay.  Don't be afraid to switch.
• College is NOT high school.  Classes are much harder, so STUDY.
• College is NOT high school.  It's 812509 times better.  Get excited!
• High school wasn't real life.  This is.  It's fun and amazing and you're finally in charge of your life.  The things you're doing actually matter now.
• Join some organizations that actually matter to you.  It's not worth your time to put energy into stuff you don't care about.
• Get really involved in the organizations you're in.
• Try to make time to sleep.  Your brain, body, and mood WILL thank you.
• That being said, have some fun too.  Watch movies with your floormates.  Get dinner off campus.  Try something new.
• Talk to your roomie.  Like, actually try to get to know them.  Maybe you won't be BFFs, but maybe you will.  Or maybe you guys can just be pals.  Either way, it's better than being strangers.
• But you should also have ground rules with your roomie.  And if you make any offers (such as, "sure, we can share food"), make sure you can stick to them.

Bottom line is this: have a blast.  College is fantastic.

#YesAllWomen

This post will make someone mad.  But you know what?  I don't really care.

So.  The hashtag "YesAllWomen" has been trending ever since the murders at UCSB.  It's all over my Facebook feed, and while I have no issue with the stories posted and understand all of the rage and pain expressed by the women tweeting such things, I have some major issues with the idea of "YesAllWomen", and, if we're all being honest here, feminism in general.
To start this airing of grievances, let's look at the hashtag itself.  "YesAllWomen"?  Does this not imply that every woman on the planet agrees with your statements and thinks such things?  To me it does, and that's a problem for me.  I don't want your thoughts and ideas tied to me; I have my own, thanks.

Let's look at some of the other stuff I've had thrown at me via Facebook lately, shall we?  We have all of these articles talking about how the California murders were due to the fact that the killer felt he was entitled to sex from these women.  Let me be the first to say that I in no way agree with or support his view.  However, here's the issue that's been bothering me.  The majority of the comments on such articles tend to generalize this viewpoint, saying that it's one that all men have in common.  Kittens, this simply is not true.  There are so many gentlemen in our world, albeit the creepy ones tend to get more attention.  And furthermore, don't women do the same thing?  While they may not have the same sense of entitlement, I think we all have that one attractive female friend who is frustrated when men don't ask her for a date.  I think the same idea of entitlement applies.

So, to keep this brief, I'm going to stop here.  There will be more posts with my further thoughts on feminism in the future.

Victoria Has Returned!

Hi kittens!  I must apologize for my lack of posts during the last three months.  School took a turn for the challenging, and I needed all of my energy to be put into that.  But now, thank goodness, it's summer and I'm in one piece and have time to post.

Some new obsessions: the Myers Briggs Personality Test: I'll be doing a post on this beautiful thing ASAP.  It's so interesting and I love it.
The Fault in Our Stars: the movie is coming out and I have a few things to say before it hits the screen, inevitably disappointing the book fans.
All things Disney: this isn't a new one, but I have some new stuff to say.
Rock climbing: by this I mean climbing the rock walls and nets and wires at my local Y's ropes course.  It's the only time the "how's the weather up there?" joke ever has been or ever will be funny to me.
How I Met Your Mother: also not a new one, but I haven't ranted about it on here yet.

Disenchantments: my home town: since coming home from college, my town is boring as ever.  I love being surrounded by family and high school friends, but there are some major drawbacks to it.
Comedy and basically every movie I've seen lately: Victoria is not impressed.  That is all.

Miscellaneous: I may have some stuff to say on religion, relationships, society, and just life in general.  Buckle your seatbelts, kitties!

Anyway, to anyone still reading this, thanks.  Hopefully there are some of you out there still.

Long Distance and John Green

“Here’s to all the places we went. And all the places we’ll go. And here’s to me, whispering again and again and again and again: I love you.”--John Green, An Abundance of Katherines

The above quote may be typical melodramatic teenage girl of me, and for that I apologize, but I adore it so much.  It is one of many John Green quotes which I carry in my heart.  Read his books.  All of them.  I hope they melt your heart like they melt mine.
I've been in a very John Green mood as of late, likely due to my recent obsession with vlogbrothers and Mental Floss (look them up on YouTube. You won't regret it).  His writing is amazing and as seen in his videos, he is a genuine, intelligent, down to earth guy, which is fantastic to see.  So yeah.  Check him out.  He's amazing.  To my fellow nerdfighters, DFTBA! (just watch the videos)

Okay.  Now that my fangirling is over, let's talk.  As previously discussed, I am a college freshman.  I am dating my high school boyfriend, despite us going to separate colleges.  We see each other about once a month, and while I understand that this might not seem like such a hardship to some, let me tell you something about long distance: it's not easy.  And it never. Gets. Easier.
The Boyfriend is the first guy I've ever dated.  We've been together just under a year, and it's been an amazing ride.  We got together in February of our senior year of high school, and while I did have a few concerns about getting involved with someone so close to college, I decided to go for it.  Throughout the remainder of the school year, people (classmates, family friends, etc.) constantly asked if we would continue the relationship in college.  I never had an answer for those people, but we did end up continuing the relationship, and I am so thankful for the way it's worked out.  Long distance is worth it.
When people found out The Boyfriend and I would be doing long distance, they were all overflowing with advice.  Adults tended to give me the "remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea" line.  My peers thought it was romantic.  My grandma couldn't understand why I'd be willing to be tied to one boy.  My mom seemed to have a little faith in the notion, but reminded me to be open minded.  But in the never ending sea of advice, here's the thing everyone forgets to tell you about long distance: it's so freaking hard.  And it never stops being hard.  It never gets easier to drive away from The Boyfriend after a visit or watch him drive away.  It never gets easier to say goodbye.  I find myself clinging to him, not wanting to let go.
You can text constantly, talking about everything from class to bad puns to music.  You can have a Skype date once a week.  You can talk on the phone as you walk to your dorm from the gym at night.  You can do all these things, but they will never make up for having that person there.  Hearing their laugh through the phone is not the same as seeing them beside you, eyes crinkling and gasping for air as they struggle to gain control of their euphoria.  Talking about a movie is not even close to watching the movie together, feeling the other person's warmth next to you.  Being apart, no matter how hard you try to bridge the gap, will never be the same as having the person there.
If I'm being completely honest, taking a mature perspective on this issue, it's probably a good thing The Boyfriend and I aren't at the same school.  We would spend too much time together, and we would never get anything done.  We are both doing well in school, much better than we would have if we were together and constantly around each other.  But long distance sucks.  That's my not-so-eloquent, blunt conclusion.  Long distance is awful.  Sure, it allows you to explore and define yourself without the other person and see if they still fit you.  It allows you to learn and grow and meet people.  But nothing will ever compare to having that one person who knows you at your core with you.

To finish this post, I have one more John Green quote and the link to the Tedx talk he did.
“You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.”

And the video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mUDw0sRZV0

New Year, New Beginning

It's New Year's Eve and the air is abuzz with resolutions, toasts to the 2013 that was, and cheers to the 2014 that will be.  Everyone vows to change for the better somehow, being fitter, friendlier, and more frugal.  People swear they'll live in the moment and love those around them.  And while all of these vows are good and fine, people forget that the only thing which will be happening at midnight is a change on the calendar.  You aren't suddenly going to get the motivation to go to the gym every day or the money to travel around the world.  Life is not suddenly going to get better or easier tonight at midnight.
Resolutions themselves are not bad things.  They remind us to focus on the things that are important, and that is one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.  The problem arises when we forget that goals and resolutions require a little work every day, not just a promise on the first day of a new year.  So, if it makes you happy, make resolutions.  Make them attainable and measurable THEN WORK TOWARD THEM.  All year, not just for a week or so.

This time of year, we also hear a lot of things along the lines of "2013 was great, but 2014 will be the best year yet!".  Maybe.  But here's the thing: if you're living your life to the fullest, every year will be the best year yet.  Each year will bring new highs, making you happier than you ever thought to be possible.  You will travel to new places, meet new people, make new friends.  You will try new things, find new obsessions.  You'll probably find a new favorite song, favorite movie, favorite book in the upcoming year.  The new year will bring new victories and joys and excitements.  You'll finish the year and think "wow, that was fun."
On the flip side, every year brings new lows.  You'll probably cry in the next year.  You'll be mad and confused and upset and lost to new degrees.  But these experiences are so important to the year.  These are the things that will make you stronger and will hopefully make you a better person.  When you look back on the year, you'll remember the pain, but hopefully the joy will match it, if not eclipse it.

So, Happy New Year, everybody.  I hope it's a great one.

Running

Okay, to be clear, I don't intend to be so bad about neglecting my blog.  It just kind of happens.  But I have some great article ideas and I'm not sure where to start, so expect like four new articles in the space of four days.  Yes, I am crazy.  Let it go.  We'll all be happier.

Anyway.  I am, among many other things, a runner.  I started running sporadically at fourteen when I decided that I wanted to run a marathon before turning sixteen.  That didn't happen, but I did fall in love.

Nowadays, I run around three days a week, and I've logged miles with dogs, kids, my dad, my boyfriend, my suitemates, friends, and solo.  Every mile may not be fast or fun, but the feeling I get from running cannot be matched.

I used to always run with either music or a buddy, and sometimes both, but in the last year or so I've ditched the music for a few reasons.  There is, of course, the safety aspect: I often run at night or early in the morning, and as a girl it's safer to be able to hear everything around me.  However, there is also an emotional, almost spiritual reason.  Running in silence allows me to hear everything from my footfalls, to my breathing, to the world around me, and in many ways it allows me to hear my thoughts with more clarity.  Running has become therapeutic for me.  I'd expected that running in silence would provide me with more time to dwell on worries, overthinking my life unnecessarily, but instead it calms me like nothing else.  My problems melt away, seeming much less important then before.  I am able to evaluate them with a renewed strength of mind, and I finish my run feeling refreshed.

On a more abstract note, I used to look at running as if I was fleeing my problems and my life.  To me, running felt like flying, and as an overemotional teenager I fell in love with the idea of flying away from everything.  As I ran, I told myself that if I put in enough miles at a fast enough pace, my troubles would not be able to catch me.  I now have a more positive outlook, viewing my miles as progress towards a goal.  Sometimes that goal is simply to be healthier, fitter, and feeling sore the next morning.  Other times the goal is a certain number of miles or a certain speed, or a race I'm training for.  However, while all of these are excellent goals (I can't even describe how great it is to run farther than ever before), many of my favorite runs have been the days where I have no goal other than to feel better at the end of my run than I did at the start, or to catch up with the friends who have joined me for the day's run.

For me, running is something special.  It's mine.  I don't do it out of obligation to anyone or anything.  I do it for me.  And that's the most  beautiful reason I can imagine.

Okay, I Lied

This isn't a pithy article like I promised.  It's another couple reviews.  Sorry.  The article will be here soon, I swear!  But I thought these deserved reviews, and in all seriousness, if you look at the title of the blog, that is what it was initially intended for.

Review #1: Carrie (2013 remake)

 (not mine)

 

I read Carrie when I was in 8th grade.  It was the first Stephen King book I read.  I was hooked.  Carrie's story is one that many can relate to, though perhaps not on an extreme scale.  However, everyone has felt bullied or hurt, and most have probably wished they could exact some form of revenge.

So, the movie.  I liked it a lot.  The cast was excellent.  Chloe Moretz was awesome as Carrie, although I do love Sissy Spacek in the original.  I thought that Julianne Moore was outstanding as Carrie's mother, somewhat better than Piper Laurie.

The plots of the two movies were essentially the same, with many scenes very closely mimicking scenes from the 1976 film.  The only difference is the advanced special effects in the remake.

Overall, I was pleased.

 

Bottom Line: 4/5 stars.

 

 

Review #2: If He Had Been With Me by Laura Nowlin

(not mine)

 

Wow.  This book left me gasping.  I read it in one day.  I picked it up at the book store a few weeks ago because it looked interesting, but I didn't expect it to hit me as hard as it did.

This book tells a beautiful love story between two best friends, showing the way they grow up together, grow apart, and fall in love.  The plot is flawless.  The ending somehow shocked me, even though it is pretty much explained on the back cover.

This book pulled my heart in so many directions.  The characters are wonderful.  They have flaws and strengths like real people, and I truly cared about all of them.  The narration is also great; it pulled me in immediately.

This one almost made me cry, guys.  It was outstanding.

 

Bottom Line: 4.99/5 stars.  (there are some grammatical errors that bothered me)



I Freaking Love Tim Burton

Yes, I know I promised a longer article with more content, but a friend showed me Corpse Bride last night and I kind of loved it, so I'm reviewing it today.  The long article is still coming, I promise!

(not mine)

 

So anyway, I have always adored Tim Burton.  Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my all time favorites, as is Edward Scissorhands.  Something about Burton's dark, artsy style is absolutely beautiful to me, and Corpse Bride featured all of the things I love.  To start with, the music was written by Danny Elfman, which is always fabulous, and there are also some excellent piano pieces in this movie. I have vowed to learn them as soon as I have access to a piano.

Also, there is the cast, featuring Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, two of my favorite actors.  Even in voice acting, they are excellent.

The animation is beautiful, with the darkness of the land of the living contrasting with the colors of death.  I liked the symbolism as well as the distinctive "Burton" elements seen throughout.

The story is also lovely; a sad dark love story that somehow left me smiling in the end.

 

Bottom Line: Watch it. 5/5 stars.

Some Album Reviews and an Apology

So, um, it's been awhile.  Like a little over a month.  Oops.  With midterms and whatnot it's been hard to find time to write.  But anyway, I'm sorry.  Forgive me?
Today I'm just posting a couple quick album reviews, but I'll be posting a longer, pithier article ASAP, hopefully in the next few days.  Anyway, don't forget me yet.

Album 1: "Monsters in the Closet" by Mayday Parade

(not mine, obviously)

 

Mayday Parade is one of my favorite bands and I wasn't disappointed with this album.  Sure, there are a couple lackluster songs with simplistic lyrics and excessively poppy elements (I'm looking at you, "Ghosts"), but the overall awesomeness of the other songs more than compensate.  My favorite is "Angels" with its amazingly lovely story.  I'm not too sappy, but this song speaks to my soft side.  Some other favorites are "Sorry Not Sorry" and "Even Robots Need Blankets".  Mayday Parade is pop punk to the core and I greatly enjoy it.

 

Bottom Line: 4/5 stars.

 

Album 2: "Don't Panic: It's Longer Now!" by All Time Low

(also not mine)

 

All Time Low is another favorite of mine, and I have always adored "Don't Panic".  The bonus tracks on this version are pretty good, although I'm not left speechless by any of them.  If you're interested, check out "Me Without You (All I Ever Wanted)".  In actuality, my favorite parts of this album are the acoustic versions of previously existing songs.  "Backseat Serenade" and "Somewhere in Neverland" have always been among my favorites, and the acoustic versions are superb.

 

Bottom Line: 4/5 stars (if you're into bonus albums).

 

Album 3: "Ocean Avenue (Acoustic)" by Yellowcard

(not mine)

 

So, this album is just an acoustic remake of their album, "Ocean Avenue".  However, if you're a fan of acoustic albums, as I am, I highly recommend this one.  The violin plays a large role, and it's great.  "Back Home", "Twenty Three" and "One Year Six Months" are my favorite. Check them out!

 

Bottom Line: 4.2/5 stars (if you like that sort of thing).





For College Freshmen

Freshman year of college is fun.  You're on your own for the first time, feeling things out, staying out as late as you want, eating what you want when you want, and doing whatever you want.  There's so much to do.  All.  The.  Time.

Freshman year of college is exciting.  You make new friends and start making new memories.  You learn a lot about life and people and yourself.  Your life is finally beginning.

Freshman year of college is confusing.  You're in a new place, and you're alone.  You have all these decisions to make.  Major?  Clubs to join?  Am I actually going to go to lecture today?  Go Greek or not?  Party or not?  Drink or not?  What happened last night?  What am I doing here?  Do I belong here?  What am I doing with my life?  Is this worth it?  Who am I?  Who will I be?  Who am I becoming?  Is that a good thing?  Who do I want to be?

Freshman year of college is hard.  Exams are rough.  Classes are rough.  Homework is rough.  Studying is rough.  Sleep becomes an option.  College is academically challenging, and it's challenging in a way high school never was.  You have to accept that you aren't going to effortlessly succeed.

Freshman year of college is an ego check.  You aren't the best at everything.  You probably aren't the best at anything.  You may never be the best again.  There are people here that are smarter, work harder, look better, run faster, sing better, are more involved...the list never ends.  You'll ask yourself if you're good enough the way you are.  The answer is yes.  I hope.

Freshman year of college is an awkward transition.  Maybe the most awkward transition of your life.

Freshman year of college is emotional.  So.  Many.  Feelings.  All.  The.  Time.  Happy.  Sad.  Scared.  Angry.  Hysterically laughing.  Crying.  Screaming.  Excited.  Elated.  Conflicted.  Confused.  Lost.  Silly.  Upset.  Smile.  Frown.

Freshman year of college is a lot of things.  But I've realized that it's not that bad.  It's pretty great actually.  It's hard.  It's a challenge.  But as a college freshman, I am not alone.  We all have trouble sleeping, we all are taking classes that are kicking our asses.  We all feel lost and scared and lonely sometimes.  We're all just trying to do our best with what we have.  We'll make it.  And then we'll laugh and say, "hey, that wasn't so bad."

Have fun, guys.  Four years will be over before we know it.

An Ode to the Introverts

As people who know me will tell you, I am not, by any means, quiet.  Honestly, when I know you, or have at least decided that you are not a threat, I am animated, talkative, and fun.  However, I have this strange shy streak that appears at certain times.  I never could put a word to what I was: not shy, because that implies a fear of people.  Not quiet, because my friends can never seem to get me to shut up.  At last I found it: I am a textbook introvert.

This means that, while I don't fear people, I simply feel no need to talk to the ones I don't know.  I'll sit quietly in a crowd of unfamiliar people and be fine.  If you want to meet me, approach me first and say hello.  I'll gladly talk to you, but I will NOT be the first to engage in conversation.  This introversion explains my crowd anxiety, my need for alone time, and my sometimes rough outer shell.  I'm not mean.  I'm not shy.  I'm not quiet.  I'm just an introvert.

I think the best way to explain it is this: it's like I was born with a fear of the word "no".  My mom used to always tell me, "just ask.  The worst they can say is no."  The idea of being told no terrifies me.  To me, "no" is like failure.  It's why I don't talk to new people (what if I annoy them?), it's why I don't like trying new things (what if I'm bad at them?), and it's why I hate to lose or be rejected.  Rejection is the ultimate "no".  It's like saying, "no.  You aren't good enough and we don't want you."

This fear of "no" permeates everything I do, ultimately leading to introversion.  So seek me out.  Show me that you like me.  At that point, I'm happy to put myself out there.  I just need to feel safe first.

So, to all you introverts out there, I get you.  I know how you feel.  Occasionally, try to get out of your comfort zone.  Try something new, or go to a party where you know only one person and actually talk to someone new.  Try to smile more.  People will think you're friendly even if you are scared to death of them.  Just relax.  It'll all be okay.

And to the extroverts: be kind to us.  We're doing our best.

Some Unsolicited Advice for the School Year

So. It's back to school for just about everyone and here are some thoughts regarding each stage:

Middle School

Ugh. Words can't express how glad I am that this stage of my life is over. Some advice for the road?

1. It's an awkward time for EVERYONE. It's not just you.
2. People are mean.  It's because they're uncomfortable.  Try not to get too upset because of the things they say.
3. Figure out who you can count on and hold them close.
4. Figure out who the mean ones are and avoid them.
5. Be you and try to stay true. (cliché, I know. :p)

 

High School

I had a decent time in high school, but I had to make an effort to do so.  Here's how:

1. Don't freak out. This isn't real life.  High school is just a stepping stone.
2. Get involved.  It looks good on college apps, but it also helps you make friends and stay busy.
3. Get good grades.  Yeah, that's obvious, but a lot of underclassmen tend to forget this one.
4. Friends. Always friends.  Keep the old ones, but make new ones too.
5. Let things go.  Mean people/drama queens/etc. aren't worth your time.
6. If you aren't dating someone, it's okay.
7. Yes, you can go to prom without a date.  Go with friends.
8. And yes, you should go to prom and homecoming at least once each.  If you hate it, never go again.
9. Prom>homecoming
10. The "nerds", "drama geeks" and "band geeks" are some of the most genuine people on campus.

And finally, I've only been in college for about a week now, but here's some thoughts:

1. Try not to eat alone.  Introduce yourself to someone else who looks lonely.  Or drag your suite mate along.
2. Go to class.
3. Know where your classes are in advance.
4. Most professors are actually pretty cool.
5. Sorority rush is scary, but overall, worth it.  You'll meet lots of new people, even if you don't decide to go Greek.
6. Eat at some funky restaurant just off campus that you've never heard of.
7. The chocolate milk in the cafeteria is delicious and addictive.
8. Having a roommate can be pretty cool.
9. ALWAYS bring an umbrella.
10. Don't give up.  Classes are harder than high school, but so what? You can do this.
11. Have fun. Just do it.
12. That being said, don't do anything stupid.
13. If you are in an upper level Chemistry class, you really should know that if your answer differentiates from the professor's by .001, it is NOT a big deal.  Do NOT raise your hand and fret about it in front of 296 other people.  You'll look dumb.
14. TAs are usually stuck up. Let it go.
15. Tech support for online classes sucks.

Happy back to school, everyone!

Ah, Sweet, Beautiful Controversy

This blog post is very, very controversial.  You have been warned.

(not mine, obviously)

 

Okay.  So, lately there's this giant controversy because Rolling Stone magazine chose to write an article about the Boston bomber and place his picture on the cover.  Everyone is up in arms, saying that it's so awful and glorifying terrorism.  I do not agree even a little bit.

 

First of all, it is Rolling Stone's right as a magazine to publish anything they want.  Additionally, the story about the bomber is the largest story in the issue, and therefore it makes sense for a photo pertaining to the article to be on the cover.  Further, not to be cynical, but Rolling Stone is a company and they are selling a product.  Although many have refused to sell the magazine, the company has likely sold thousands of extra copies and gained tons of publicity due to the surrounding controversy.

 

Now, on the less cynical side, the picture shows a different side of the bomber, showing that he was a regular person once; not a born monster.  It argues that no one is a born monster, and it is the choices we make that determine the person we become, not necessarily the upbringing we had.

The article examines how Jahar fell from grace, going from a popular student to a terrorist.  It makes the bomber seem human, which, while seemingly degrading to victims of the bombing, sheds some light on the fact that terrorism does not have a specific "face".  While it may sound paranoid to say so, anyone could become a terrorist.  If they make poor choices, they could fall into such a trap.

While the picture may seem to be "glorifying" Jahar, it is not.  It is simply illustrating the point of the article: evil is made, not born.

 

On a more emotional level, I cannot argue that Rolling Stone should have put Jahar's picture on their cover.  It is clearly hurtful and offensive to many, but they had a right to do so, and there is nothing truly wrong with their choice.

 

Society Pisses Me Off Sometimes

Quick disclaimer: this is a rant.  Please don't be offended.  If you disagree with me, I'd love to hear why, just please be respectful.

Okay.  So I have a friend who is 19 years old.  She is currently pregnant with her boyfriend's child.  They have only been together about a year and a half and have decided to keep the baby and raise it.  As far as I know, they have no plans to get married.  She recently went public with the news on Facebook.  There were upwards of thirty comments saying something along the lines of "so happy for you! You'll be a great mom."  I, on the other hand, read the post and thought "you're ruining your life."  Thus, this rant was born.

Teen pregnancy has become more and more socially acceptable in the last decade, but especially in the last few years.  I don't understand this at all.  At 19, it is almost impossible to support a child, especially when you are unmarried, uneducated, and essentially still dependent on your parents.  Therefore, if you decide to keep the baby and raise it, you are most likely unable to give that child all of the opportunities they deserve.  In addition, you are ruining your own life and will never be able to get a leg up in the future.  You and your child will probably be poor forever, which typically creates a destructive environment for the child, sparking a vicious cycle.

It is now 2013.  In America, I believe that it is more socially acceptable to be a teen mom than it is to be gay.  That offends me.  Why is it that being gay is considered a "lifestyle choice", but being a teen mom is a normal part of life?

As a society, we appear to be moving away from traditional marriage.  Unmarried couples living together has become common, even after being together for decades.  After being together for so long, why wouldn't you get married?  Society no longer values marriage.  It is now seen as an option, rather than a requirement for life together.
This leads to the acceptance of teen moms and the downfall of adoption.  People seem to believe that there are only two options for pregnancy out of wedlock: abortion or keeping the child as your own.  There's a third, seemingly forgotten, option: adoption.  If a child is given up for adoption, they will most likely have a much better life than any teen parents could possibly provide.  However, adoption is an extremely selfless choice, and I believe our society has become too selfish to consider it.  That's dissappointing.

Instead of adoption, however, people seem to believe that it's okay to force the brunt of the child raising labor on their parents.  Grandparents, unable to say no, end up paying for their children's mistakes.  This is unfair to all involved.  Consequences should not be able to be dodged.  If you make a poor choice, be prepared to deal with the fallout.

Anyway, that's my 2 (or 22) cents.  Whether you agree or disagree, I hope you enjoyed reading.

A Realistic Love Story: "Lisey's Story"

(disclaimer: not my picture. Credit to goodreads.com)

Lisey's Story is, without a doubt, my favorite of Stephen King's books, as well as one of my all time favorites.  When I read it for the first time in 8th grade, I missed the deeper meanings, but I still liked it.  When I read it again fairly recently, I understood it on a deeper level and fell in love.  It is an amazing example of Stephen King at his best.  Instead of terrifying me, he broke my heart with this novel.

Lisey's Story is a beautiful, imperfect, honest, real love story, and that is why I love it so much.  It centers around Lisey, the wife of famous horror writer Scott Landon.  Told in flashbacks after Scott's death, the novel tells the story of a wonderfully flawed couple.  Together since their early twenties, Lisey and Scott have grown together, becoming closer with each year of marraige, becoming so close that they have their own language.  After Scott's death, Lisey discovers the secret world of monsters and demons which haunted Scott and inspired his stories.

Sigh.  Lisey's Story appeals to my romantic side (as small and underdeveloped as it may be...) because it is not the traditional romance.  It is, in no way, lovey-dovey.  It does not try to pretend to be perfect and happy and wonderful all the time.  Lisey's Story offers a realistic view of marriage and the work it requires to have a good one.  In addition, I fell in love with the closeness Scott and Lisey have.  Their love for one another, flawed though it may be, clearly runs very deep, permeating the layers of pain and baggage both carry.  Lisey and Scott are a very real couple, and that is why I love them so much.  I could easily believe in them, and dream of one day having a marriage like theirs.

Anyway, overall, 5/5 stars.  Read it.  It's amazing.  King's writing is flawless, as is the story.